Rugby + Life

It’s not a big secret that I love sports – almost any kind. I don’t actually participate in that many, but I do enjoy watching. Anything from golf to auto racing to basketball to football to rugby… all these are fair game for television viewing. And they range from the very singular sport of golf to the very team-oriented sport of rugby. [And I can hear the arguments being made right now that auto racing is a team sport, but we don’t have time for that discussion at the moment.]

Sports in general serve many purposes, among them helping kids (and adults) figure out things like schedules, self-discipline, and working with others. But they also help us figure out life, that interesting, wonderful roller coaster. If you really think about it, in the best and worst of days, life is filled with moments & little surprises that should make us smile if we’re paying close enough attention. It doesn’t always go the way we planned, and sometimes we get thrown a curveball, other times a hardball that’s easy to hit out of the park.

So, I found myself at a rugby practice the other day, pondering life in general. And as I watched a bit of this rugby practice, I couldn’t help but think how similar to life rugby really is, more so than other sports, imho.

More than any other sport I’ve been involved with, and by “involved with” I mean write a check, rugby is the most different, most unique. Is it because it’s from another country and uses weird terms? Well, yes, that’s true, it is and it does. But it’s unique for a lot of reasons. Primarily, rugby is a very fluid game (like life); it relies on players physically helping and supporting each other (scrums and rucks=friends and family); it involves players who ideally should know 3 positions (plans a-c); and after the match, the social brings everyone together. Rugby fans are fond of saying rugby is a way of life, but to me, it also resembles life.

Rugby’s fluidity is exciting – the constant changes in direction of play, the scrums, the tackles… these are all very exciting aspects of the game. It’s what keeps me glued to the play. And isn’t life constantly changing? Keeping us on our toes? The plans we make get changed all the time – we adapt. That direction we thought our life was taking us? Whoops – here’s a roadblock. But we continue to have faith, we continue to strive forward, because one day we’re going to be holding the ball and we’re going to score. And those moments are priceless.

Unlike some sports where a kid may be pigeon-holed in a certain position, in rugby, players are encouraged to know at least 3 positions. If you lose a player, then someone else can step in and be supportive. How many times do we talk about all the different hats we wear in our lives? And let’s talk about the scrum – can you say group hug? On the sidelines you might hear cheers of “Support! Support!” It’s key to support your fellow players on the pitch, be there when they fall to get the ball and help them get up. You’ve gotta have this support in life as well.

Ruggers must be continuously aware of what’s happening on the field all the time, all over the place. They’re not held to just taking care of one person that affects their position. Sometimes they don’t always play their position correctly – sometimes in life we mess up. But the team keeps on playing, and provides opportunities to play better, “fix” a mistake; in life, we keep on going, and our friends and family provide us opportunities to do it better the next time. In that, I must have faith.

And that’s life. Sometimes we knock it on, and sometimes we screw up the scrum. No question. But sometimes we kick it straight through the goalposts, and those are the moments for which we live, strive and play. That part between the knock-on’s and the try’s, that’s the journey we call rugby/life. And while my faith helps me to know that I’m not alone on the journey, I kind of think that a good rugby match helps me to know that, too.

Share your comments below, and follow me on Twitter @Mumscrum! You can also find me on Rugby Wrap-Up!

Respect Your Ref, Please and Always

If you’ve ever been to a high school football or basketball game in America, then you know there are more than a few people who think they know how the game should be played and officiated.  As a Hoosier (native of Indiana), I can tell you that probably most people in Indiana have a good sense of basketball.  Not only that, we’ll tell you how to run the offense, when you should use man-to-man vs. zone defense, and when to call a time-out.  We know the game, and we’re not afraid to let the coach or the officials know just what we think.

I say “we” in a general sense – most of us are actually pretty good, muttering under our breath when an over-the-back call is clearly missed or a blatant travel goes uncalled.  We know our limitations and understand that while we can recognize a pick-and-roll, not all of us can actually perform it well.  But don’t tell that to the few folks with the vocal cords to match their opinions!  I’ve been to elementary school games where a few parents have genuinely spoiled the experience for everyone involved.  It’s not fun and quite frankly, I feel badly for the kids no matter the team.Ref at NC Ruggerfest 2014

So when I discovered rugby, one of the first things I noticed was the lack of “coaching” from the parents and fans, and a greater respect for the referee.  Of course, every now and then, there would be an exception to that rule, but for the most part we were all staring wide-eyed out into this vast field trying in vain to understand just what was going on.  It was actually a huge unifier for parents of opposing teams – bonded as we helped each other figure out the game (I was on the receiving end of help for my first two years, for sure).

The most difficult part of not knowing about rugby was learning about the tackles.  It’s one thing to be up in the stands many yards away from the field for a football game, thinking your son is safe because he’s wearing pads.  It’s quite another to be feet away, hearing the tackling sounds, and seeing the “unprotected” kids going down to the ground.  So, any “coaching/officiating suggestions” from the sidelines were probably geared towards hitting and tackling, because we just weren’t used to this and we didn’t realize that the tackles being made and the rules applied to them were so different from those in football.

The deference to the rugby referee isn’t accidental.  It’s part of the Code of Conduct that we parents sign off on here in Indiana, and it is part of the rugby culture.  Only the coaches are entitled to speak to the referee, and even then the opinion of the referee is respected.  Parents are instructed to keep quiet on the sidelines regarding calls made.  I have a great deal of respect for our rugby referees because I know how hard they work so our kids can play this game.

Referees need to be certified in order to work youth matches.  And, your state rugby referee society may offer clinics from time to time for newer referees, or to help seasoned professionals understand rule changes.  If you see a referee clinic offered in your area, I highly recommend that you sit in on the session.  You will learn a lot, hear the nuances discussed in great detail, and perhaps have a greater appreciation for your local rugby referees.

In our club, we have a “culture keeper”, a designated individual for each game who maintains a cordial atmosphere.  Luckily, we’ve never really had to remember who the culture keeper is for most games because we have a fairly good group of parents.  In the event of a parent or fan speaking rudely to a referee, perhaps “suggesting” medical devices such as eyewear, he or she would be kindly asked to refrain from such talk, or be asked to remove themselves from the playing field.

Our Kindly Ref at NC Ruggerfest 2014

I asked The Ref, Cody Kuxmann (an American Ref in London who also contributes to Rugby Wrap-Up), if it was any different in England.  He said that “what [he’s] realized is there’s a lot more discussion here afterwards. [Perhaps] it’s a cultural thing, though.… English are polite in general, but the discussion can end up being ‘You were wrong; here is why I think so.’’ Cody feels “that America’s yelling is a bit different” and that “as talent goes up in America, it gets worse as more people know what’s going on.”  In England, he’s “noticed it gets worse” but believes it’s more of a numbers game due to higher attendance.

I hope that our atmosphere doesn’t change too much when people get more familiar with the game.  Personally, I like this culture, and I like just enjoying a match without feeling the need to coach it.  So, if you’re a newbie rugby parent, remember:  While you may be close to Michael Jordan in your knowledge of basketball, or John Madden with football, you don’t have to be a premier rugger like Jonny Wilkinson to enjoy the game.  Just watch it for what it is – the most fast-moving, exciting contact sport on the planet.  Oh, and give your rugby referee a thank you and a hug!

Share your comments below, and follow me on Twitter  @Mumscrum!  You can also find me on Rugby Wrap-Up!

It’s All About the Food

Without food, is a rugby match a true rugby match??  In fact, for many mums, dads and players, it’s the best part of the sport!  As Liz Weinstein, Avon Rugby Golden Swarm coach (Avon, IN), states, “I think the social part after the game is one reason we have returning players and continue to grow as a young team.”

In an earlier post, I talked about the social and what we do for our team.  But I wanted to know… what do other teams do?  In an effort to learn more, not only did I become quite hungry, but I found out that everyone enjoys talking about food!  And a great time to plan your social food is now, before the season starts (at least for us Midwesterners!).

The social is the part after the match that provides an opportunity for camaraderie between the hosts and guests, centered around the breaking of bread.  At the adult level, a social often includes going out after the match to a local watering hole or restaurant.  Sam DiFilippo helps coach a local men’s club, the Fort Wayne Rugby Club.  He says that sometimes a team will offer food at the field, but it “sometimes … doesn’t meet the needs of a real social, depending on the facilities and the weather.”  For youth and high school teams, the socials are generally right on the sidelines of the field.

Lots of food for hungry ruggers!

Lots of food for hungry ruggers!

The basic menu involves a main dish (monster sub sandwich, hot dog/brat, pizza, etc.), a side or two, and a drink.  Several clubs I spoke with offer pizza, chips and a drink – it’s easy, delivered hot and fresh, and minimal food prep is required.  The Bishop Dwenger Saints (Fort Wayne, IN) moms like to have fruit available, usually bananas and oranges, some sort of protein/granola bar, a dessert of some sort, like cookies or brownies and water bottles.

Trevor Cracknell, coach at Warsaw High School in Warsaw, IN, says standard fair for his Tigers is pizza or Wal-Mart fried chicken.  He told me of one of his rugby parents who owned a commercial BBQ and provided pulled pork with all the trimmings for a day when they hosted a total of 5 teams.  Yum!!  [Now, Trevor is from England, so of course this led to a discussion of the possibility of true English fish and chips for after a match.  We’re working on a suitable recipe, with some help from James Harrington, and we’ll keep you posted.]

One of the best testaments to the game and social comes in the form of a compliment.  Curt Trout, head coach of the Fishers High School Tigers in Central Indiana, says that some of the best socials they attend are at Brownsburg High School, home of the Brownsburg Bulldogs.  Curt attributes part of their continual success to the efforts of Liz and Guy Clossey.  Although their son graduated several years ago, they continue to be involved with the club and help with socials.  Last year, Fishers played LaSallette at Brownsburg, and Liz and Guy helped feed the team.  As Curt says, “they are incredible people”.   Indeed!

My food journey also took me to Boca Raton, Florida.  Carrie Dowling, aka “Carrie the Rugby Mom” as she introduces herself, is involved with the Boca Raton Junior Buccaneers Rugby Club.  While they often do pizza for the youngsters, they sometimes play teams that provide a full Argentinian BBQ!  As Carries says, “It is amazing!  They have large grills they tow behind their cars and trucks.  Flank steak served hot off the grill on fresh bread with chips and a drink.  Our parents get excited when we know we are going to these clubs!”

Of course, every club has to operate within its budget constraints.  Not everyone will be able to do a full Argentinian BBQ, and some clubs will opt for homemade items.  Things like pizza and subs can also be a great low-cost main dish.  Last year was my first as the parent of a girl rugger, and the Bishop Dwenger Lady Saints had the great fortune of playing the Avon Rugby Golden Swarm for their very first match, on a cold, cloudy, wet, and windy St. Patrick’s Day.  Thankfully, the social made the day sunny!

The Avon parents treating Bishop Dwenger Lady Saints to classic St. Patrick's Day fare.

The Avon parents treating Bishop Dwenger Lady Saints to classic St. Patrick’s Day fare.

Parents Dawn Cook and her husband, an England-born-and-raised rugger, were instrumental in putting together the socials for the first season of the Avon team.  Dawn told me about this first social:  “Since the game was on St. Patrick’s Day, and we enjoy socializing on that day, my husband and I felt what a great theme.  I made several trays of shepherd’s pie and three pots of beef stew; along with that we had Hawaiian rolls, green Gatorades and for dessert my kids decorated green cupcakes with St. Patrick’s decorations.  I purchased green and white decorations and Hawaiian leis.  It was fun and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.”  I loved this so much that I took a picture of the Avon parents serving food – they were all so nice and I look forward to seeing them this year!

I’d LOVE to hear what’s being served up at your rugby socials!  Any new food ideas? All this food talk has made me hungry!  In the meantime, remember – while it’s all about the food, it’s also about the smiles on the kids’ faces – and those are abundant at socials!

Share your comments below, and follow me on Twitter – Mumscrum!  You can also find me on Rugby Wrap-Up!